"First
Shared Sexual Experience"
Seeing a
circumcision for the first time was so shocking that
it literally changed the course of my
life.
I was
shocked again when Sheila Curran and I made an
educational videotape, Informed Consent. As we
watched the circumcision we had videotaped only
hours earlier, we became painfully aware that
the baby's struggle against the restraints subsided
when the nurse began to scrub his penis. His penis,
at first flaccid, immediately became erect with the
stimulation, and he stopped pulling and tugging to free
himself.
He
remained quiet and attentive during the entire 5 minute
scrub, as the nurse continued to rub 'round and
round' his little erection.
Then, a
tall masked man approached with clamps and probe in
hand. The first pinch caused the baby to scream out
in pain, and his piercing shrieks intensified as the
doctor worked for another 10 minutes towards the
final amputation.
This was
that baby's first shared sexual experience, and it
was brutal. His brain, flooded with stress hormones,
was encoded with violence in association with the
part of his body that should experience pleasure. An
indelible mark. Peace replaced by pain; bliss replaced
by fear; trust replaced by betrayal. Could anything
make that baby's world okay again? The thought was
chilling.
As I
began telling everyone I could about what was being done
to babies behind closed doors, I suddenly realized
that I was revealing to men what had happened to
them when they were at their most sensitive
and vulnerable.
I became
depressed. I was revealing a truth that no one wanted
to hear, but I also know that I couldn't stop trying
to protect babies. I couldn't allow an atrocity to
continue just to keep earlier victims from knowing
the truth. Reading Jed Diamond's books helped me to
understand that naming a wound would ultimately help
men in their healing work.
Learning
about foreskin restoration made my work easier,
too, because it brought hope to so many men. Men
talk about renewed sensitivity, a sense of normal
male wholeness, a relaxed state they have never
known, as they reclaim their bodies and move from
victimization to empowerment.
Tragically,
we have created a scar on the penis of the majority
of men in the U.S. Those men who were lucky enough
to escape the knife we have called "uncircumcised,"
making them feel abnormal too.
We have
created physical and psychological scars and have the
nerve to ask them why they don't trust, why they
don't talk, why they are violent. What else could we
expect?
Knowing
that the penis is the most important organ of the
human body (without it humanity would be doomed),
and knowing that no man wants to think of his own
penis as damaged, I am deeply moved by all those
courageous men who acknowledge their scars and speak out
to protect babies.
Marilyn
Fayre Milos, R.N.
Executive Director
National Organization of Circumcision Resource
Centers
